My first home away from home

in the dawn of Facebook

So I've decided to start "blogging" again, mostly because AK told me I should and partly because everyone has what the popular kids call a facebook account and I am determined never to get one. Hence the return to the more classic mode of putting yourself out there on the web. Anyways life has been rolling and full of happy news and happenings so I might just feel like dropping a line or two sometime these days. Ciao!

And so ends my try to "carpe diem"...

There are to sides to every story right? well as I've mentioned before this blog will contain only happy thoughts so for the dirty details of this post you should go to www.casandratitis.blogspot.com.

I'll make a long story short cause I've written alot on the other blog. I tried out for swedish Idol this year, made it all the way up to the duets part on the second day of the stockholm version of "hollywood week". Saw a lot of cute guys, well a few. The cutest was a guy that looked like Scott Speedman (Ben from "Felicity"). Why was he the cutest? (there was a photographer that looked like Ryan Gosling) well because he gave me the most compliments, hehehe.... I really think thats why I sing to an audience, its not just the positive feedback I long for, its the praise from cute/hot guys that I'd like to impress :)

Anyways, he said it was "bästa musik upplevelse" he heard among all the girls and that he was slightly "förförd". I also noticed him mentioning me to other ppl cause I'd see him talk to someone and then he'd hint in my direction, hehe....
Sadly I did not get his number, stupid stuipid me! honestly networking was the last thing on my mind during those days but man do i regret not giving him my number. We of course hoped that we'd be coupled together for the duet but alas it wasn't meant to be, he did however manage to tell my duet that I was his first choice so he'd better not mess it up, hehehe.... his duet was there too so she was kinda offended, haha... but it totally made my day for sure!

I got a bunch of compliments from other peeps too, mostly guys of course and a couple of girls, I'm not gonna be humble about it :) its not everyday you get praise like that.

So bottom line, it sucks that I didnt go further but its not like I had a chance in winning the whole thing so it doesnt really matter and at least now I know a little bit more that my voice can actually touch people, that theres potential there and its not just the simple fact that I can sing. Mooshy clichés but its true so.....lol.

To anyone who cares: I'm back!!!

Did anybody notice how long I haven't updated the blog?! The last post was on d 9th of December, which was coincidentally the first anniversary of my blog (applause) Thank you! Thank you! Anyways I thought it would've been cool if I just stopped posting then 'cause the one year cycle was complete. Eventually the obvious came to me, where am I supposed to blog now? make a new one (I don't think so). But since I've had absolutetly no inspiration or motivation to blog then it wasn't a problem.
I've missed it though, so I'm back!

I will proceed to write only positive things from now on, what with my template being Oh-so-pink now and stuff. It's time to seperate my glass-half-fulls and half-emptys into different venues. For u who prefer the latter www.cassandratitis.blogspot.com might be more your taste.

Ok, I've discovered my new favourite series of the year this week: "Veronica Mars". It's soo awesome I tell you (TV junkies out there would undertstand me). I saw the whole 1st season in 2 days and proceded to watch 13 episodes of the second season through out the week. By the weekend I started to watch the first season all over again (under the pretense of introducing it to my brother).

On the music front I have not much to report, almost nothing actually. Been listening to old stuff + some Kanye, Fiona and Fort minor.

Oh and I was in Jakarta for like a month.

Man! do i have to decide a title everytime?!?!

Ok, i should be finishing my homework right now, it was due last week, lazy lazy me! I'm half asleep but was in a pretty good mood, listening to podcasts and such, but now I feel kinda weird, like icky weird but not because anything disgusting happened. I just made one mistake, I checked out what the ppl in the podcasts looked like plus their age too, this is something any podcasts listener out there shouldn't do cause it really ruins everything. Ppl sound much more cooler than they look, mean yes but it's true, I'm almost always dissapointed when i see their faces, hehe..... More annoyingly their age, at least in this one Harry Potter related podcast, they're mostly youngsters (I was just soooo wrong, totally thought they sounded older than me). It was just much more cooler when i thought they were older college kids discussing HP, but now it's just makin me feel sooo friggin nerdy. Not that being a nerd is bad but I've always pictured myself a little above the geek/nerd/loser line. Anyways I wont be listening to them again, it just seems too odd for me now. Whatever, it's 3 am should continue writing my work. Weird thing is I've actually done a lot of my work half asleep, hehehe.... they usually turn out pretty good, except for the occasional typos and missing words hehe....

Monthly hormonal imbalance

Hello everyone that doesn't visit my blog. I've only got myself to blame for that really, didn't tell too many ppl about this blog and can't say I'm too diligent with the posting so, whatever.
Ok, current obsession: Harry Potter. Finished the 6th book this weekend, left me with that feeling that you desperately want but don't have, HATE it! Got me in an awful mood, made the whole process of going to school soooo painfull these last few days. Not to mention I realized that I've ran out of money, AGAIN!, just after days of getting some, and then homework, AAAAAAAh!!!!! All I wanna do is escape escape and procrastinate cause when I give myself even second of thinking time, I feel awful again.
Today, things are stlightly better, just have to remind myself that all the things I'm stressing about can be fixed one way or another, nothing that'll kill me.
So let us talk about things I am excited about, Harry Potter obviously, I'm rereading Chamber of Secrets and my order of PoA and GoF has arrived, yes! yes! yes! I wanna c Goblet again but no one wants to go wit me (understandably cause it's expensive), but still I wanna wanna wanna!
Oh happy little tidbit, I saw Adam Brody in a jc. ad on TV last night, so cute. He even said a couple of swedish words at the end, adorable.
Finally, music as always, gets me through the days. Right now I'm so loving Imogen Heap (singer of Frou Frou). Great songs, kinda electronic-esque, which is really not my style normally but she's just awesome. Check her out, especially the song "Goodnight and go". Very cute and upbeat song, sweet chorus that goes like this:

"Why'd you have to be so cute,
it's impossible to ignore you.
Why'd you make me laugh so much...
it's bad enough we get along so well....say goodnight and go."

But then pay attention to the verse, after that you'll find the song kinda creepy:

"I followed you home you got headphones on and you're dancing,
got lucky beautiful shot you're taking everything off, watch the curtains wide open.
...same routine, flicking through the TV, relaxed and reclining, and you think you're alone."

Creepy huh?!! hehe.... still a nice poppy song though.

A lil' bit of....

What should this post be? an update? happy post or sad post? introspectional or superficial? You know what, really not in the mood to think about it. So I'll just plough through:

*I was going to post some music links and delete the old ones, but do u know how much hassle that is? so when I do I do don't wait for it.
*It's really late and i should sleep but just remembered that I have to put on new sheets, makes me less enthusiastic bout getting ready for bed which makes me sleep even later than I want. It's a vicious vicious circle.
*My bestest buddy AK came home today, picked her up. Winter's looking pretty great now she's here, like old times.
*On the other hand my aunt, cousin and grandma have all left the country in the last 2 days, I'll see them in 2 months but goodbyes suck none the less.
*I'm in love with Adam Brody, cutest of the cute on my list right now!
*I'm kinda pisst with Safin cause he hasn't played for soooo long (stupid knee injury) and a because I won't see him play any tennis until February next year.
*I hate how money goes away before you have time to savour it (one of the "perks" of adulthood that make u wish u were still a kid)
*I love how Mommy hates when I call her mama.
*Remember my iPod? still loving it like crazy.
*I'm always reluctant to do my school work but love it when I get good grades (I hate when my feelings contradict)
*I wish I had the will power to go on a diet and lose weight but food is too good of a thing to restrict.
*I love bacon.
*I hate that I live in a country where I can't express myself to new people in my souls language (english that is).

Looks like this post is shaping up to be a hate post. I better stop here then before it goes too far. Bye!

Who said I didn't have a life?! F U man!

So, you've read my post title, and yes you're right I said it, F U!!! I'm not particularly angry today, infact I'm feeling rather fine, but it's just an observation worth mentioning. Have you notice how ppl talk about that quite often, I don't have a life, you don't have a life, etc etc. Usually this is based on what? lack of spouse? lack of going out on saturday nights? those aren't much of a criteria now are they?! So maybe you don't have a significant other and/or you dont go out that much, so what? Honestly, who has the time and money to do those things and meet someone when you have school, work, housekeeping (everyone has to do some housekeeping), not to mention keeping up with friends and family that you already have?! I know I don't. Sometimes I can be inclined to say that "I dont have a life", but that's not really accurate. Of course I have a life, what the hell am I living right now! I have school work, home work, and occasionally when I have free time I like to spend it on my own, catching up with the time that went by and make sure that everything's in check before my "resting" time is over. Plus, what student out there has the extra money to spend on fun stuff? when you have money usually it's needed for the bare necessities of life, like food and clothes or school books, I think the majority would agree to this. Just wanted to get that off my chest because it feels like society is making me feel guilty for being a homebody and a cheapscake that won't spend any money, hehe.....

Next subject: You gotta check out this new band/group whatever called "Fort minor" it's Mike Shinoda (the dude that raps in Linkin park) side project. I really like their stuff, very nice. I'll put up some songs ASAP.

Seems that I've ran out of topics..................hm......................uhuh, right.
I wanted to discuss separation anxiety, particularly mine. I heard somewhere (Grissom on CSI) that 70% of ppl have a security item (you know blankets, icky pillows, stuffed animals and such) to eliviate separation anxieties and I thought huh, I don't have anything like that, guess I'm one of the 30% that don't have problems with "separation", change etc. But how can that be, I have loads of abandonment issues (it has lessen through the years) and I respond badly to most changes, even the little ones, and then I realised I sure do have my own "security blanket" and it's called: the television. It hasn't always been the same TV set or even the same content, but yes TV is my blanky. I'm very attached to it, it brings comfort whereever I go (especially with all the TV shows thats shown all over the globe) all I need is to see something familiar on it and whatever change that occurs around me seem less harsh.
Example: when I moved to Sthlm what did I buy first? that's right, a TV set. You gotta understand, I've had my own TV since '97 so naturally when I had to give that up I had to get a replacement right away. Now, thankfully, there's the internet and with it I can actually live without a TV set if push comes to shove. You know why? because the essence of the television are the shows right? nowadays you can download almost any show thats on TV and that my friend is my solace!
Btw, has anyone seen Prison break? exciting new show. Ooh and Lost is also getting better and better. Which reminds me, I should download that now, catch u losers later! Bye!

Pit stop

Ok! I think it is due time that I pop in here and post something. Just a quickie but at the least worth the info update.
I've been busy busy busy (busy by my standards, since some might think it's not really a hectic schedule). I was a little worried that I'd be thrown off track once I started school again considering how long it was when I had absolutetly nothing to do during my days. Change is daunting, but it's going fine so far, everythings in check, school, home management, basic upkeeping of my mind, body & soul (this includes: rest, fun, friends,etc.) Saying everything is under control could jinx it so I'll just say that I'm trying my best, 1 task at a time, 1 day at a time, 1 week at a time and so on and so on.....
Also on a general note:
I miss my Daddy, my friends all over the planet, I love everyone and I'm happy to be what & where I am today. xoxoxo

Grassy mood

Hey peeps! I'm in one of those moods again, the one I apparently get from listening to bluegrass-y music. This always happens, I cruise on natural highness for couple of days and then everything just crashes. If normal ppl go through this, I can't imagine how much it sucks to have a bipolar disorder. It'll be better in a couple of hours probably, sometimes I'll deliberately keep myself in a "low" state so I can be pensive and write and do a little introspection. Although for now I have nothing. Been busy with school and dreamin for a boyfriend, that's all. Time to post the blog and snap out of buhu land, ta!

Mother earths pesky creatures

Lord do I hate insects!!!
Filthy, creeping, crawling, hopping, flying, buzzing, disgusting little creatures. I've accepted the fact that we have to co-exist on this planet, but why oh why do we have to co-exist so close to each other?! Thankfully, since I live in a much much more cooler climate than my former tropical, bug-infested home. At least now I only have to deal with them during summer, which poses another dillema: window open or window closed? Sometimes it's too hot to have it shut but then how would I get a goodnights sleep if I have to chase down every bug that flew in. Even worse, a moth, those f***ers are flat and sticks to one place for so long, makes it hard to track them down, and then they flutter around at night when it's time to go to bed. That's also a problem, how do I keep the window open for it to fly out, but not so it's "friends" won't come in? Do you see what they're doing to me?! Those mindsucking fiends!
I admit that I've squashed, stomped, and squatted a lot of them during my days. Maybe they didn't deserve it, maybe I was unfair, but maybe... just maybe, I don't care. I don't regret slaughtering these inferior, yet superior species, although sometimes I wonder if they'll ever put their vengeance on me, if I were to be buried when I die they would get me then, but I've chosen inceneration after my demise, so those little bastards won't ever get a piece of me.

PS: Spiders are also overwhelmingly creepy, the hairy ones, the long leg ones, even the tiny "where's your head at" ones, they should all (pardon me for being harsh) be wiped off the face of this earth.
*Note: this was dedicated to my dear friend AK. May you never have to check your toilet for spiders ever again.

My movie week

Fav song at the moment: "Ugly girl" by Fleming & John
U gotta check it out, it's a funny "after break-up" song.

So it's been about a week since my 20th bday, and all of that week was spent mostly on movies. Let's start from the 26th of July (the holiest of all holy days), it was almost a perfect birthday, no stress, no too-high-to-reach expectations, a very fun/delicious dinner with my favorite family members (who r in this country), presents and of course Chocolate cake. Definetly changes my approach to future bdays, no more fuss and no more planning for big things that would not likely happen, just a day where u've completed another year in this GOD forsaken place, hehe..... just kidding, couldn't b more happy to be here.

The next day was equally satisfying, I walked around Sthlm and went to the cinema, all by myself. There's a natural high u get from spending the day alone, a certain reassurance that u don't always have to be with someone else to have a good time. I recommend everyone to do it once in a while, if they haven't done it already. I mean really, if you can enjoy ur own company then u're never in bad company.
Anyways, I saw Wedding Crashers, really funny, I wouldn't say it's a "I couldnt stop laughing" kinda movie but it definetly made me laugh a lot, especially Vince Vaughn and Isla Fisher, they were great together, very cute. For anyone who watches Alias, "Will Tippin" is in the movie too. Owen Wilsons nose was a little distracting, but not as much as the dude's head that was sitting in front of me.

On the 28th, I believe I spent the whole day cleaning up the house, some might think it's a chore but for me a "clean home is a happy home", hehehe corny huh, or "a clean house is a clean soul". It's true though, life becomes less stressfull when there's less clutter everywhere, man do I love throwing stuff away. When I have my own home, nothing in it will be there if it didn't have a purpose, anything useless would be trashed. (Note to self: reason not to have children)

Whatever the next day was, it came, and on that day I saw War of the Worlds, which was alright except I found it a little anti-climatic, however the angle of the movie was "new" so it wasn't a bad movie at all. Just have to say though, Tom Cruise's jeans were a lil too tight for my taste.

After that the following 3/4 days we went DVD-rent crazy, with these films:
#Dodgeball
Again, a funny, entertaining movie with the cutest tall man Vince V. Although, I think Justin Long was the funniest in this one.

#Bad Santa
I've seen it before, and it really is a good-hearted, sweet, christmas movie even if it doesn't seem so at first. The kid is so great in it.

#Taxi (Jimmy Fallon version)
Because I saw the french one it was a little odd to see Queen Latifah as that character, but after awhile u forget and its quite entertaining, car chases were cool and there is a certain relief-ness when u don't have to read the subtitles.

#Anchorman
Not hillarious but adequate. There were little moments that were truly funny and the best part was all the famous cameos that showed up throughout the film.

#Motorcycle diaries
OMG! Gaél Garcia Bernal is such a babe/cutie/hottie/handsome man. I knew he was cute before but this was the first movie I saw with him, and photos do not do him justice at all, u really have to see him on screen. OMG!!! even my mother couldn't stop saying how cute he was. Speaking of fine men, I realised that most striking-looking guys actually have ugly features when you look closely, weird noses or big lips or monkey-like jawline, but the combination is amazing. Aaah, God bless them all! :)

#Rundown
Wanted to c this cause the trailer and the clips were funny, turns out those were almost all of the funny parts from the whole thing.

#Before Sunset
No matter how many times I watch this film, it's great everytime. This time I noticed that Julie Delpy talked a lot more than Ethan Hawke, and that from the first time he saw her at that book shop, he was just longing to touch her. Oh such a sweet, and simple yet powerfull movie.

#Prince & me
Standard chick flick plus the weirdness of ppl in Denmark speaking english with a scandinavian accent.

#Collateral
Technically my brother saw it this time cause I saw it in the movies looong time ago, but comment provided anyway. Tom Cruise is really cool in this one, love the way he says things, mean yet articulate plus the sarcasm.


So ultimately, I spent my "bday week" in a truly old-nicole style, the one who loved the movies so much but nowadays to cheap to spend money on entertainment.

Currently listening to: everything on my list, duh!!!

Specifically at this second, Rachel Yamagata's "The reason why" is on.
What is there to report you ask? I'm happy, happy, happy! I know there's a lot of shit going on in the world and at times I feel guilty of being lucky enough to be happy, but I can't help it, I'm glad to be here and gratefull to have everyone/everything that I have. I visited postsecret.blogspot.com yesterday and all I thought was "any issue or complex that I might have is nothing compared to so many ppl out there", I thought about posting a secret there but what the hell, I can just do it here.
Here's one: Sometimes I resent my parents for losing my faith in love and my ability to trust another human being. Not to say that I have much experience in love but hey I'm 20 and already cynical, props to them!

#David Usher "Black-black heart"
Something weird is happening with my body, how many of it is hormones? how many of it is mental? how many of it is caused by the weather? I have no idea. Wake up every morning with a heat surge that sporadically comes and goes through out the day. Plus a weird aching in my head, as if my brain is swullen and my cranium is bouncing it form side to side, maybe it's meningitis, maybe it's migrain, maybe a tumour, maybe.....

#Jason Mraz "Wordplay"
I'm in love with pink! pink clothes, bags, shoes, bras, watches, phones, earrings, make up, you say it, I have it. It 's dawned on me that 90% of my things have a pink variation to it. Not an accomplishment per sei but.....nah just fascinating to me.

#Minnie Driver "Invisible girl"
Podcast, my favorite thing at the moment. I have a hard time explaining what it is, so just check out iTunes music store and you'll catch my drift. So far, I've listened most to tvguide talk, where some tvguide peeps talk about tv and movies (my fav topics of all time), lots of spoilers and scoops and reviews, makes me feel good about being a TV junkie.

#Robbie Williams "Better man"
This song reminds me of being in switzerland with my sweetie Natalie, we had such a great time, laughing soooo hard every after meal, one of the best holidays that I will ever have, no doubt. I'll slip in another secret here: I have had more than one occasion where I wanted to smooch a girlfriend, someday when the opportunity presents itself I'll be there.

#All saints "Pure shore"
The Beach, oh how I miss beaches. I wished we went to beaches more often when I was still in tropical land. Hopefully I will be able to sport my spankin' new bikini when we go there next year.

#Iron & wine "Naked as we came"
I tried gear shifting this week, in a car that is. It was my first time doing anything behind a steering wheel and might I say, quite exciting. Can't wait to really start learning how to drive, it's weird to imagine operating a large machine among other machines.

#Sarah Mclachlan "Stupid"
This song isn't familiar enough to me to provide any inspiration.

#Nelly Furtado "Explode"
So the post has come to an end, much to do before this Sunday ends, much to learn before the week bends, much to see before tomorrow sends.

#Jurassic 5 "Thin line"

Listening to:

Nikka Costa -- Can'tneverdidnothin (awesome!!!)

Still air outside, climbing in the window
the rain finished, sun in tow.
Still air inside, crawling out the door
winding it's stride, layed me on the floor.

Exactly one day and one month later, here I am again. Not much to say really, summer's been great so far, couple of rainy days here and there but sunny all around. 24 days till my 20th birthday, not sure what that means, definitly feels more significant than the others, but still don't know what it means. I might look two decades old on paper, but off that there's still a seventeen yeared girl in here. I hope this next 5 years will drag out as long as it can, don't want to reach 30 too soon.

Picknick

Picknick
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.

Picknick2

Picknick2
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.

Pose

Pose
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.

OddBall

OddBall
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.

InCar

InCar
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.

Malcolm

Malcolm
Originally uploaded by agathasue26.