New deep?

Just read Anna's post bout how our rollercoaster of emotions are better than numbness, and generally I'd totally agree but lately I've been so tired. Tired of being pushed around by my feelings everytime I let them in, so I keep them at bay. It's a cruel joke really, how our worst enemy is ourself. I'm biggest critic. I'm the one that doubts myself the most. I'm my biggest fear. I'm my biggest dissapointment, embaressment. I'm my greatest barrier that can't be broked. I'm that ledge that I can't leap over, even when I'm pulling myself to that direction. Tired! Tired! Tired! of being so aware of every move, every word, every step I make. Sick of analyzing every thought that comes through, every action that I choose, every person that I meet. Not angry, not depressed, just exhausted. Why do we have to worry about tommorow when we don't even know if it would come. What are you doing next week? does it matter. Why waste today making plans when we never experience tommorow.
Weird thing is that I'm not even feeling low right now, but if I could write these things it must mean they're in here somewhere right. It's like my soul is feeling it but my head channels it directly to my fingers, so that my heart won't have to feel it. Try to keep my mind preoccupied with shows and movies and other superficial neccesities so I won't plunge into this stew of insecurities, dreams, fears, hopes, longing, and self-doubt.