I've been listening/watching a lot of stand up comedy these past few days, mostly from this dude Mitch Hedberg, know him?
Anyways he's my favourite so far, I just started really really liking him when I checked his website today and there was an awful awful post on it. He passed away just 2 weeks ago. It's so sad.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
New deep?
Just read Anna's post bout how our rollercoaster of emotions are better than numbness, and generally I'd totally agree but lately I've been so tired. Tired of being pushed around by my feelings everytime I let them in, so I keep them at bay. It's a cruel joke really, how our worst enemy is ourself. I'm biggest critic. I'm the one that doubts myself the most. I'm my biggest fear. I'm my biggest dissapointment, embaressment. I'm my greatest barrier that can't be broked. I'm that ledge that I can't leap over, even when I'm pulling myself to that direction. Tired! Tired! Tired! of being so aware of every move, every word, every step I make. Sick of analyzing every thought that comes through, every action that I choose, every person that I meet. Not angry, not depressed, just exhausted. Why do we have to worry about tommorow when we don't even know if it would come. What are you doing next week? does it matter. Why waste today making plans when we never experience tommorow.
Weird thing is that I'm not even feeling low right now, but if I could write these things it must mean they're in here somewhere right. It's like my soul is feeling it but my head channels it directly to my fingers, so that my heart won't have to feel it. Try to keep my mind preoccupied with shows and movies and other superficial neccesities so I won't plunge into this stew of insecurities, dreams, fears, hopes, longing, and self-doubt.
Weird thing is that I'm not even feeling low right now, but if I could write these things it must mean they're in here somewhere right. It's like my soul is feeling it but my head channels it directly to my fingers, so that my heart won't have to feel it. Try to keep my mind preoccupied with shows and movies and other superficial neccesities so I won't plunge into this stew of insecurities, dreams, fears, hopes, longing, and self-doubt.
Wednesday, April 6, 2005
Action packed night!
Morn' everyone! just woke up like an hour ago, finishing my breakfast right now oops got yogurt all over the keyboard, hehehe....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmjknhugmyguim,iuijnvcgcfrt
ok, cleaned!
So, last night was the most action-feature-film dream I've had in a long time and I remembered it. I saw the 2nd season finale of Alias before I slept, just started following the reruns some weeks ago. Anyway, the ending was sooo good can't wait till the 3rd season starts next week. I dreamt that I was watching the first episode of season 3, and I thought it was pretty good, it continued the plot from the last episode, which is too complicated to xplain, but I can tell you how it evolved into me being in it. So we ended up in this attraction ride called backwards pool in some middle eastern city, it was kinda like an escalator, going foward, filled wit water flowing through it. When we reached the end of this "attraction" there was a gang of "hijackers" that wanted to take everyones valuable possesions. Vaughn, from Alias, said that this happens all the time so I yelled at him angrily because he could've told me and I wouldn't have brought all the things wit me. I was sooo mad that after they took all our stuff and money I went up to the ring leader and said I'm taking back my things, all that had sentimental value, earrings, bracelets, etc. I said you could kill me if you want. I won't let you take my things!
Who knew I was so brave in my dreams, hehe.... or mayb it was the pain killer I took before going to bed, hm??
The dream's not over yet, we waited for the criminals to decide our fate and apparently I intimidated them enough to return everyones possesions but not the cash, although they gave back our coins.
Next scene, I walk upstairs to a table at a restaurant to apologize to Vaughn for yelling at him, then I realised that he was actually ugly looking (unlike on TV where Vaughn is really cute), and I thought "Wow! it's incredible how a personality can change an appereance so drastically." Anyways, alls well that ends well.
Think I woke up after that, it's all a blur.
Oh Oh, I remember vaguely wat happened next. I was bicycling at the side of country roads and highways, kind of lost, but finally found my way home because I saw "Willys" (a supermarket) across the street and remembered that I lived nearby. When I got home I asked mom if there was a Willys across the street why did we go to the other one thats farther away. She said the prices weren't the same.
In the real world that argument doesn't quite make sense but in my dream I didn't question it.
Then I woke up.
ok, cleaned!
So, last night was the most action-feature-film dream I've had in a long time and I remembered it. I saw the 2nd season finale of Alias before I slept, just started following the reruns some weeks ago. Anyway, the ending was sooo good can't wait till the 3rd season starts next week. I dreamt that I was watching the first episode of season 3, and I thought it was pretty good, it continued the plot from the last episode, which is too complicated to xplain, but I can tell you how it evolved into me being in it. So we ended up in this attraction ride called backwards pool in some middle eastern city, it was kinda like an escalator, going foward, filled wit water flowing through it. When we reached the end of this "attraction" there was a gang of "hijackers" that wanted to take everyones valuable possesions. Vaughn, from Alias, said that this happens all the time so I yelled at him angrily because he could've told me and I wouldn't have brought all the things wit me. I was sooo mad that after they took all our stuff and money I went up to the ring leader and said I'm taking back my things, all that had sentimental value, earrings, bracelets, etc. I said you could kill me if you want. I won't let you take my things!
Who knew I was so brave in my dreams, hehe.... or mayb it was the pain killer I took before going to bed, hm??
The dream's not over yet, we waited for the criminals to decide our fate and apparently I intimidated them enough to return everyones possesions but not the cash, although they gave back our coins.
Next scene, I walk upstairs to a table at a restaurant to apologize to Vaughn for yelling at him, then I realised that he was actually ugly looking (unlike on TV where Vaughn is really cute), and I thought "Wow! it's incredible how a personality can change an appereance so drastically." Anyways, alls well that ends well.
Think I woke up after that, it's all a blur.
Oh Oh, I remember vaguely wat happened next. I was bicycling at the side of country roads and highways, kind of lost, but finally found my way home because I saw "Willys" (a supermarket) across the street and remembered that I lived nearby. When I got home I asked mom if there was a Willys across the street why did we go to the other one thats farther away. She said the prices weren't the same.
In the real world that argument doesn't quite make sense but in my dream I didn't question it.
Then I woke up.
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